Somewhere in Nizhny Novgorod (english)

Somewhere in Nizhny Novgorod

Natasha woke up early in the morning. Today is a special day. Three years have passed since that terrible day. The girl got out of bed and opened the window. The Great Volga River was not very far from her house, and although the river itself could not be seen, the wind blew a fresh smell of water! And such a dawn ... The sun has just risen to heaven. She was so fond of coming to one place on the bank of the Volga, where she meets Oka, not far from the street of Karl Marx. There was not far from her boyfriend - Igor. With which they often went to the matches of "Torpedo". Yes, and Natasha herself lived nearby, on the Minin - street on the other bank of the Oka, near the Nizhny Novgorod Kremlin. Igor's father once successfully played in the Higher League of Soviet hockey - for "Torpedo" Gorky. Volga ... She was so fond of walking around the embankments of her beloved city. Sometimes with Igor, and sometimes one. Then - when she was alive ...

"How beautiful today," thought the girl. How beautiful ! Maybe for the first time since the day I died that summer day. Why did I go for a walk to that bay alone? It was necessary to wait for Igor! He stayed at work for an hour! But it was only about six in the evening! Why? There it was always so calm, near the Cathedral of Alexander Nevsky! Apparently, this is my destiny. So today is beautiful! Maybe ... It's time to finish everything and do today what I thought these three years! Such a pain inside me ! Every day I'm preparing for this ... There have already been two attempts. Maybe God loves a trinity? I am so tired...

Natasha's mother, Svetlana Sergeevna, came into the room. Woman a little over 50 ..

"How are you, daughter?" Everything okay? she smiled at her daughter.

- It's okay, Mom. At the institute the same holidays. And what a beautiful dawn ...

"What are you going to do today, Natasha?" asked mother.

- I do not know yet. Will rest...

"Sorry, Igor called yesterday ... He wanted to talk to you so much!"

- We are with you, mamma discussed this topic. I do not want to hurt him, and he's a guy who loves me so much! I understand, he wants to help, he wants to be with me. But! I since that day can not be with the guy! Even with the one whom I love myself, who loves me. I'm ... dirty ... me ... And - I can not have children! Did he deserve such a life! I ... I'm dead, Mom!

Natasha started hysterical. He frantically opened a box of antidepressant tablets and washed it down with water ... Tears spread over the beautiful face of a young blonde. Natasha was only 22 ...

- Sorry, daughter. I wanted the best! Sorry!

Svetlana Sergeyevna was excited. How to help my daughter? How to bring her back to life. She felt that Natasha had bad thoughts! You can not leave her alone! But ... We must go to work. Valer's husband has long gone to his car service. Can I put Natasha in the clinic? But this is an expensive pleasure! And money is always not enough ...

Muska's cat rubbed against the girl's legs.

"You understand me, Musya," said Natasha, calming down a little.

- How did you save me then ... But, apparently in vain ...

Natasha's thoughts were swept away in that 2011 year. How happy she was when she met Igor. He was 5 years older than her, working as a manager in a commercial firm. One winter, friends at the institute invited her to hockey, where they met. Tall, fair-haired, so similar to the Viking! She immediately fell in love with him. And the feelings were mutual! Within a few months they began to think if not about creating a family, then about living together. Igor really liked Natasha's mother Svetlana Sergeyevna, and with his father Valery Ignatievich, he had good relations.

"Does it really happen in life," Natasha thought then.

And that day, the beginning of June 2011. On the 15th, Natasha was 19 years old. Before the birthday was a week. They agreed with Igor to meet and go for a gift to Natasha for her birthday!

... Natasha has already left the house when Igor called.

"Natasha, I'm sorry!" Absolutely wrapped up at work. I'll drive to your house by six o'clock and go to the store together!

"Igor, this is such a nice weather!" I'd better take a walk!

- Oh well ! See you !

Natasha left the house, it was warm and sunny. Not so far away to the street of Karl Marx! And walking is useful! Natasha was a girl with a sporty physique, although she did not do sports ...

She passed the Nizhny Novgorod Kremlin, went down to the river station, near which she caught a taxi and came to Igor's house.

Until the meeting was about an hour ... a little walk around Meshchersky Lake. The girl went to Cape Strelka, near the Alexander Nevsky Cathedral. Where the Volga meets Oka ... It's so beautiful ...

A bell rang in the mobile.

- Natasha, I'll be in half an hour. Where are you ?

- OK, let's meet at the entrance to the Cathedral of Alexander Nevsky!

- Good !

... Natasha looked into the distance ... So beautiful! So much water! Such beautiful islands! Here is that distant island of Mochalny, there is such a beautiful backwater! And now she will meet with Igor! What does he want to give her?

The girl walked between the houses, and did not immediately notice the company of four drunken guys who were talking loudly about the new black BMW.

"Look, Alexei - what a bitch it is, what legs, what breasts!" the shaved guy said to his friend.

- Hey, the girl - went with us - said Natasha Alexei and took out of his wallet five green bills.

- 500 bucks for sex with each of us, I hope you have enough? - he continued

- Are you guys? I'm not a prostitute, I have a meeting now with my beloved.

"You, the creature, do not understand!" said the third guy, dressed in an expensive suit.

"Do you know who my father is?" You were offered five hundred bucks, dirty rubbish, and you resisted?

Natasha learned in this guy Oleg - the elder brother of one of the students from senior years. His father held a high office in the city administration.

"Hey, Farid, she does not understand who she's dealing with!" Give her to the back seat. Did not want to earn five hundred dollars, work for free!

Natasha screamed, but it was too late. Farid and skinhead pushed the girl into the back seat, the car drove to the nearest forest, Natasha's phone was thrown onto the road ...

It's not difficult to understand what happened next. ... She did not remember how many minutes or hours this hell went on. In conclusion, Oleg said:

- Recognized me ? Remember - no statements to the police! Understands, than it will end! Say thans for having left alive. Go away !

... All in tears Natasha went in the direction of the Temple.

"It would be better if they killed me," thought Natasha.

... Finally, she went to the entrance to the cathedral. Igor on his "Mazda" was there. He jumped out of the car and saw Natasha.

"Natasha, what's the matter with you?" - and I am ashamed, because everything was clear.

He tried to hug the girl.

Natasha screamed - Do not touch me! Never!

A few minutes later the girl began to come to her senses.

"I'm sorry, Igor!" You understand what happened ... It would be better if they killed me. Take me Home !

"Natasha, we must go to the police and write a statement ..."

- No, Igor. No ... I know who raped me. It will only get worse .. Please do not. For me. for the sake of my parents!

"But, who was that?"

- I will not say. they will not stop at anything!

They went home to Natasha.

Svetlana Sergeevna and Valery Ignatievich were horrified.

"Igor, how is it?" Asked Valery.

- I stayed at work, and Natasha went for a walk. I should have insisted that she stay at home.

"Igor, do not blame yourself," said Svetlana. We must go to the police.

"No, Mother," said Natasha. Do not...

"Do you want to leave the crime unpunished?" asked father.

- We will not succeed. And I'll have to leave the institute. However .. I'm already dead - Natasha sobbed.

Igor and her parents were silent ...

A week passed ... This is a sad birthday. Natasha went into the bathroom, filled it with water.

The thought that she now ... will never wash off that dirt - she hit hard in the girl's heart. Her gaze rushed upwards, where was the fastening from the polyethylene curtain. Natasha touched his...

- It's pretty strong! Probably, will sustain me!

Natasha quickly attached a belt from her dressing gown to the fastening and tied a noose around her neck, stood on the edge of the bathtub.

- That's all, now it's over. Forgive me, Mom, Dad, Igor ! I can not more live ...

At that moment, Muska screamed desperately and started jumping on the bathroom door, as if sensing something.

"No, I can not," thought Natasha, and at that moment her legs slid off the edge of the tub. But ... Apparently fate was not hers to die on her birthday. Belt from the robe could not stand the weight of her body and Natasha fell into the bathroom, hitting a painful ... There was a splash of water poured .... Natasha was all in tears.

- I so want to cry! she told herself softly.

A few weeks after these events, Natasha began to suspect that she was pregnant and went to see a gynecologist. The girl's fears were confirmed and she decided to have an abortion. She want not give birth to the child from the rapist! After the operation, complications occurred ... The doctor said that she would never be able to give birth.

"Life is over," she thought.

"I live, but I'm dead." Courage is not enough to complete everything.

She began to avoid meetings with Igor, began to visit dating sites, mostly in the sado-masochistic thematic. Sometimes she met with their visitors. Somewhere she began to like rough sex, violence over her ... But ... Soul hurt! She understood that she was engaged in some kind of mud. A year later she tried to repeat the attempt of suicide, but again ... She could not!

After that, she found the social network "Dark Dreams" in the world network .. she became friends with Vika and Veronica Mayer, who, to the best of their ability, tried to help Natasha overcome this craving for suicide. She tried to help them, but she only dreamed about one thing.

Igor could not stop loving Natasha, thought himself guilty of what had happened. Natasha avoided all contact with him.

Mom, Svetlana did not know how to help her daughter, father began to drink alcohol regularly.

- How to help Natasha, how ?! - thought Valery Ignatievich.

And now this day has come.

22 years, thought Natasha

- Already or all ... And everything could be different ... or could not?

- We need to find courage in ourselves and finish today everything! There is no more strength to endure it! I'll go for a walk for the last time. To the place where I died. At the head of the arrow, to the Cathedral of Alexander Nevsky. And then ... my mother will go to work, Muska will lock in the bathroom, so as not to interfere and i go to hell. Sorry for friends, sorry for Muska, but .. I can not!

- Mom, I went for a walk!

"Be careful, daughter!" - Svetlana Sergeyevna crossed herself.

Natasha left the house. Passing by the guys looked at her. And the truth is - Natasha was very beautiful, and by her appearance no one could even imagine what thoughts reigned in her head ...

The Kremlin, the river station, the bridge across the Oka. Lake Meshcherskoe, the embankment of the Volga, Cape Strelka .. For a long time Natasha was not so good.

This is the house near which that BMW was standing. Natasha was surprisingly calm. Today it will all end. She looked into the blue sky and she felt so good. As on the day when she was going to a meeting with Igor.

Here is the Cathedral of Alexander Nevsky. Natasha saw a young couple with a small child coming up to the Father ... The guy looked at his girl with sincere love, she held the baby in her hands. The gray-haired Father smiled at the child ...

.. Natasha frantically began to look in the bag her mobile ...

"Where did he go, where to?"

Finally she found him and dialed Igor's number.

- Hello ... You do not know my new number .. Did you call yesterday? my mother said .. Natasha barely held back tears ...

Igor was at a loss. For three years he did not speak with the girl, without whom he did not imagine himself ...

- Natasha, Happy Birthday! May be...

- Yes, Igor, yes - I was wrong - said Natasha and burst into tears.

- Let's meet !

- Where are you ?

"I'm at the Alexander Nevsky Cathedral!"

A few minutes later Igor was already at the entrance to the Temple. With a large bouquet of roses ... Natasha was crying. Igor left the "Mazda" ...

- You're so beautiful...

- I really - after all this shame you need me?- the girl asked.

"I love you, Natasha," Igor said.

- Well. Let's celebrate my birthday today. Only at my house. Mom will be happy, Dad - and Muska, of course ..

"Will you marry me, Natasha?" - Igor asked

"You know ... I decided in the morning to die." I went for a walk, for the last time. as then. Past our Kremlin, the river station ... To the Alexander Nevsky Cathedral. And there the couple - with the baby - came to the Temple, to the priest. And at that moment I realized that I do not have the right to take my own life ... Suicide is also a murder. Besides, I had an abortion and it's also a murder! And God punished me with infertility. Yes, if such as I need you, I .. I agree. Igor!

"What a fool you are." Natasha - said Igor.

"And are you sure of your diagnosis?"

Next week, Igor and Natasha went to see a doctor. Igor was right, and Natasha can become a mother!

Several months passed. More than a year. Natasha and Igor have already created a family, and began to think about the birth of a child. It was a golden autumn. They walked along the very embankment, holding hands.

- You know, Igor. Then ... When I was really bad ... Then when I did not communicate with you, afraid to break your life. Then, when I thought about death every day ... I was registered in one strange social network called "Dark Dreams". It is not very unambiguous, somewhere sickening, somewhere dragging into hell, but to someone and helping to survive. And so .. There were two girls from Ukraine, Vika from Kramatorsk and Veronika from Donetsk. They then ... really helped me to overcome that hell in my soul ... I need to find out - how are they now .. I'll write to Vika today ...

When they came home Natasha switched on the laptop and wrote a letter to Victoria. A few hours later came the answer.

- Hi. Natasha. I'm so glad you did not forget me! How are you ? I married Paul and live in Australia, in Queensland - not far from Townsville. We had a small Astrid! I hope you also threw this nonsense out of your thoughts? Which we were sick together.

- Vika ... I almost ... I was close to doing the irreparable. But ... Here - in our city - there is such a beautiful cathedral of Alexander Nevsky. I went there - and saw a loving couple, their baby, father. And I realized how stupid I was, how I did not appreciate Igor's love. But he was waiting for me so ...

- Waited?

- Yes. We played a wedding, we think about the birth of a baby. The doctor then was mistaken, I can have children! And how is our Veronica?

- Everything is normal! They have three boys now with Sasha!

- That's great! Let's not lose each other!

- Required!

... At the same time, the black BMW was racing at a frenzied speed along the route near Lake Teploe, on the other side of the Volga. Behind the wheel was Oleg, who with one hand held the wheel, and the second - for a bottle of whisky. The track was empty .. Alexei sitting next to him tried to calm his friend.

- Oleg, do not drive so quick!

"You will tell me!" I am no less than God. My father can be appointed governor. You will tell me ... Even you are a fool compared to me! Oleg pressed the gas pedal and swallowed another whiskey ...

- Now we'll take off the prostitutes and everything will be okay!

Recently it rained, the asphalt was wet. Oleg did not notice a sharp turn ... BMW left the track in a ditch, there was an explosion. A club of black smoke flew above the trees.

, .. Muska jumped Natasha on her knees and cheerfully rubbed her forehead ...

- What are you, good, Muska - said the girl.

"And ... Thank you, Igor." After all, the girls helped me, of course. But .. I did survive because I was afraid that you would not survive my death ... What a fool I was ..

Nine months later, the baby Dasha was born in the family of Igor and Natalia Lebedev ...

... Undoubtedly, all the stories of our project are fiction of the authors. But in every fiction - there is a share of fiction. This story has a happy ending. But is she the only one in this world? In the world of that petty demon and Doma 2. In which it is considered normal to catch Pokemon in the Temple - a place of human communication with God. And to believe in God is considered an anachronism of the Middle Ages. Do not judge - yes you will not be judged. Therefore, our project does not condemn anyone and does not teach anyone to live by their own rules. We are for the conscious free choice and triumph of the law. But .. How to help these children of the House-2 generation, thereby Artem Iskhakov and Tanya, thereby Oleg, Alekseee and Farid from our history? After all, they did not come to our world originally such monsters? And most importantly - how to help girls who are in a situation similar to what happened in Natasha's life? How not to let them commit the irreparable? And how not to hurt advised advice?

We are just trying to identify topics and help us all to remember that the world created by the Creator at the beginning of time was right in its essence, but we ... we turn it into mistrue by what we make. Let's at least a minute - just remember what was planned - then, in ancient times - by the Creator .. And - maybe we are sure of it - He will give us advice on how to act in this difficult modern life.

AFTERWORD TO THE CHAPTER FROM COMING HOME -

SOMEWHERE IN NIZHNY NOVGOROD.

12.03.2018, 07:03 MT

Still ... We must finish the next session of work on the project and engage in sports betting! For example, the series Helsingin Jokerit and CSKA. Why? Yes, the Wolf has a high immunity to those terrible topics, the prevention of which pays attention to our project. Apparently, this is the prediction of this predator! Particularly surprising in this no. Mama at the Wolf - a doctor, a grandmother - a doctor, a grandfather - a doctor. And among the ancestors, at least two priests. And these professions - the priest and the doctor - are exactly where they are. On the border between this real world - and that world. The world of uncertainty. And ... Reflecting on who I am - the Wolf sometimes howls softly:

- How nice to walk in the winter forest! How nice to play in legal interactive sports betting and win! How nice not to turn on the TV when there's another news release! How good it is to forget this whole philosophy, and love together with it! How good!

Indeed, the Wolf is not a writer, not a philosopher, not a theologian - he is a good sports analyst, and in general analysis and statistics is his favorite occupation! The wolf so fond of numbers and accounting ..

And although all of the above is true - and this is a zone of wolf comfort. Yet. Periodically he wakes up - and realizes that it will not be possible to get away from this painful work on the project. Because - you can not bury your talent in the ground. Even if you are hurt and scared of the realization that you have this talent. That talent, from which i am so painfully painful - when you work on the same chapters "The Temple of St. Alexander Nevsky" and "Somewhere in Nizhny Novgorod." No, if someone thinks that Wolf is working on these themes of fighting the violet-black hell within the characters of our dilogy (and agree, friends - although it will not be easy - after all, to a greater or lesser degree, this hell is present in each of us ) is really feels very bad. Or he is not on two, but on all four paws moves, with a bottle of vodka in his teeth, staggering like a pendulum .. No, of course. But the pain inside the soul becomes very strong. After all, a predator - at the time of working on a book - takes on the same Natasha's pain for himself ! This pain and other pain. Which occurs when the Wolf asks himself a simple question. And does he have the right to do this? After all, so many doctors among relatives and the Wolf knows that one of the basic principles of a doctor, especially a doctor of our souls - DO NOT HARM FOR SOMEBODY!

The wolf asks himself whether he will do any harm to a girl who finds herself in a situation similar to Natasha from Nizhny Novgorod. And that's why he tries to write this history in the most understandable language ... And he believes that this principle - DO NOT HARM ! - he observes ...

Friends ! How many people and so many opinions! And - it is quite possible - there will also be those who say:

- Apparently this Natasha herself provoked the guys! Probably the skirt was short, and her decolette ! For which she fought - for that and ran into it! Why walk along the embankment in the evening? So it turned into a dirty slut - even against your will! And then, what did she made ! Abortion is murder! Yet...She decide to hang herself !!! It's a mortal sin! Why should we be sorry for her ? Why should we help for her? To burn her in hell ....

Probably, there. There will also be those who will answer them with words that are ... Profanity, in a word. But how to find the truth?

Want to know my opinion? Subjective, which will seem to many - perhaps - rather provocative. And the Wolf long ago warned that he was a sufficiently wolf-provocateur! In the good sense of the word, I hope. So...

God often punishes those who love, and gives them tests - which we must go through. Sends to the meeting people who are teachers and help us come to ourselves, and therefore to God! Return home - and although each of us has a house, we live in the same universe created by the Lord!

That June evening, Natasha received a cruel lesson. It means that she received the strongest sign from the Lord that God loves her.

Probably, when she first met Igor ... Her feelings were still imperfect, largely based on sexual attraction. And - it does sound scary - maybe if she did not meet these four scum on BMW - their feelings with Igor would eventually disappear ... No, love does not die, but it is not born immediately! That day Natasha really died! She understood how fragile our life is, how everything can collapse - in a matter of seconds, absolutely unexpectedly. She traveled to hell, fell to the very bottom. From where, it would seem, there is no return! She wanted to die - because she thought that in this way she would do better for her loved ones, Igor! She also thought that she would never win by the Hell in her soul, which, albeit unconsciously, was striving for God! And she makes hurt those who love her!

There came a time when this pain became unbearable. She so wanted to love, be loved, give birth to a child! And these - on a black BMW - killed her. And she after that has no right to life. That day - when everything was supposed to be over for her, she decided to return that day. When she mentally died. She went to the places that connected her with man she beloved. Also has come to a place - where she has mentally died. She passed on. There, where on that day - they had to meet with Igor. To the Cathedral of Alexander Nevsky! And the Lord gave her another sign. Probably the last sign to save her. She saw a couple loving each other, whose child the priest blesses! She did not see them there! She saw herself there, Igor and their future child! That toggle switch in her soul, which was already almost in the OFF position. sharply changed his position. And the girl saw the light of the Lord! She understood who is the conductor of this saving light for her! She realized that Igor did not just want to be with her. She realized that he loved her. The fact that he blamed himself for what was not to blame! The fact that he was waiting for her - despite that terrible day. She realized that she loved her. The fact that having committed suicide - it is quite possible, Igor will not be able to survive it and there will be a new story of Nizhny Novgorod's Romeo and Juliet. The fact that my mother's heart can not stand the loss of her daughter, maybe. And Papa will go to drinking, having lost all whom he loved! And who knows if this cat Muska will survive after this loss, who saved her then! And she - voluntarily leaving the life - there, in the Unknown - will be responsible to the Lord not only because she killed herself, but also became an indirect killer of all those who loved her! The realization of this arose - for a second - in her thoughts and then disappeared, along with thoughts of suicide. Natasha at that moment realized that the Lord loved her. And HE, seeing that she went through all the trials, lit her up with the light of her Love.

God never gives a person trials that are greater than he can overcome!

You ask - and what, dear Wolf! Do you think that it is necessary - to go through such terrible trials in order to gain the light of Love and understanding of the meaning of life?

- Of course not. God works in mysterious ways. He is one God, and the paths to Him each have their own, individual. Some have simpler ones, some have archetypal ones. Different. As we are all. Different, but the same. Different - in their individuality, the same is that we are all loved by the Lord ..

- Well. all - some will say.

- There was a Wolf, became some kind of a priest - and will be absolutely wrong.

Let's talk about the following. Are those guys from BMW become such monsters at birth? And the guy who hunted Pokemon in the Temple - is it also some kind of fucking hell?

I repeat, we - in our project - do not give any estimates to any of the phenomena of our life. I do not think that denying the whole world, created by the Creator, is born without reason. That's impossible. And it may very well be - these guys also wanted to find God in their souls. Maybe ... But did not find, and the rejection of God came - in their soul.

What I want to say is, there is God, and there is the devil. They exist regardless of whether we want it or not. And exist outside of us, and exist within each of us. And there is Faith, and there is a dogma. Dogma - must also exist. Do not like this name, let's say an axiom. Axiom of Faith. They, in our opinion, also exist together. Together. BUT! Dogma can not be higher than Faith.

When Ella - a few hours before her terrible death in the chapter "The Temple of Alexander Nevsky" came to Mother Sofia ... She met a woman who sincerely believed in the Lord. Which did not save her life. But, perhaps, she saved the soul of a lost girl in life with a terrible fate. And as a result, a child was saved, a little girl, sick with leukemia ...

Or maybe .. Once, the same Oleg went to some Temple. Somewhere. But he was not lucky. He saw the priority of Dogma, not Vera. And dogma can never be higher than Faith in the Lord. And just when there is no balance between dogma and Faith, that rejection from the Lord is born, then rejection from the Church - which we often see today. And denying the Faith, we can come to that, except as obscurantism and can not be called another.

Our world is going through difficult times. Let's also understand that rejection of God gives rise to hatred, and hatred can not give birth to anything other than hatred. Let's try to make sure that our world is not ruled by hatred and obscurantism, but by love and respect for man! Let's make it so that events like the Yugoslav wars never happen again, so that children and old people in the southeast of Ukraine will not die under shells and bombs...

You ask - Well, how? This is an unattainable dream. The whole history of our world is the history of wars. Well, we can change ourselves, but how about others ?

Do not want the impossible from the Wolf! The wolf ... just the Wolf. And this things have already been answered long ago, in the same book. In the Bible.

- Love your neighbor as yourself!

To say simply, is it difficult to do? Pass it through your soul, do not treat words formally. And ... Who knows ... Maybe our world will become a bit lighter.

In the meantime ... IF Björklöven, Leksands IF, Helsingin Jokerit!

Until next time, friends!

12.03.2018, 08:55 mt

Projektet/ Project

VARG LARSSON & Astrid SÄLLSTRÖM , Från Valborg Till ValhallA - Escape From The Emptiness

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